Cracking
by scribbledinchalk
Summary: One day, post-prank, things finally crack.
1. Cracking: Head Over Heart

I decided to sit down and try and write something half decent again, and this was the result. Two alternatives to one story.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fic, all credit to JKR!

--

It was Friday the 13th of March when Remus first noticed a change in Sirius. Friday 13th, unlucky for some. However much it tore him apart, however, Remus was glad he'd noticed. He wondered how long it had been there to be noticed, and how James, Sirius' best ever friend and practically a brother to him, could have missed it. Sure, James and Sirius had been having more of those seemingly superficial arguments lately than they'd ever had before, over Lily and silly unimportant things, and Remus had only just managed to find it in himself to forgive his ex-boyfriend for the prank he'd played – _how could he do such a thing to me? Someone I loved so much. How could he do that?_

Maybe with Remus' only recent forgiveness of Sirius and James' now reciprocated love for Lily, his closest friends had taken their eye off the ball, off their friend's feelings.

When did it get like this?

Sirius was different. Maybe it was down to Remus and James' diverted attentions. The glint in his eye had been extinguished, the usual upwards curve of his lips was sunken, his jokes were rare and pranks didn't occur any longer, his voice was quieter and more reserved, lacking in the vitality it once oozed, and his face looked...weary. Not a word that Remus ever thought of in regards to Sirius.

Remus sighed.

Sirius Black, he noticed with an aching heart, was not alright.

-

It was Sunday the 15th of March when things reached breaking point.

Remus entered the common room – the ever-changing password was currently 'venomous tentacula' – and with the excellent insight that he had developed through personal experience, he could tell something was not right.

James Potter and Lily Evans were entwined on an armchair, kissing, and Sirius was sitting alone not far away, an unfathomable expression clouding his features.

-- _why can't I understand what he's feeling anymore? After everything we shared, everything we've been through --_

Remus, following his head over his heart, stayed where he was in the shadows, out of sight.

"Can't you two get a room?" Sirius sniped at James. His voice lacked the tease it would have been full of a year ago. James turned to face Sirius and glared, "Just because you have not got a boyfriend anymore, with entirely your own actions to blame because you were an insensitive, act-first-think-later bastard to your best friend, does not mean you have to ruin others' happiness. You've done enough, Sirius!"

The common room fell deathly silent. Remus stepped a few paces into the common room silently.

"Thank you, James," Sirius' voice was quiet and even, a tone of sadness, and with a glance in Remus' direction – _were those tears glistening in Sirius' otherwise lifeless eyes? -- _and all eyes on his figure except the now reoccupied, kissing Lily and James, he swept up the stairs to the dormitory the Marauders shared.

James looked up at Sirius as he ascended out of sight, and held a vaguely regretful expression on his face.

"Show's over!" he exclaimed to the staring crowds.

-

Remus came and sat down on an armchair close to Lily and James. James looked up, and greeted Remus, who only raised an eyebrow and gave him an appraising look in return, before opening the book he'd been carrying.

"_What??_" James questioned, a tone of impatience filling his voice. "You know what, Prongs. That was out of order." With that, Remus snapped his book shut, gathered his things and with a "goodbye Lily," to the quiet Miss Evans, he too ascended the stairs.

-

He tentatively pushed open the door to their dormitory, and stood on the threshold, leaning against the frame. Sirius was not in sight, so Remus went and knocked on the shut bathroom door. With no reply, he tried the handle but it was locked. Remus took a deep breath, and tried to control his trembling voice, "Sirius?" he knocked again, louder and for longer this time.

He heard a sniff. "Sirius, I know you're in there. It's just me. Please let me in, before I have to break the door down..."

Quiet. "If you don't let me in, I'll get in somehow, Padfoot."

Remus heard a sob escape inside the bathroom, "Please, Pads..."

A minute passed and then the door opened, and Sirius passed his ex-lover to sit on his bed, his back facing away from Remus. Remus came and sat on Sirius' bed, his back touching Sirius' own. Sirius tensed up but didn't move away and break the contact. It was enough for Sirius, but not too much to cope with.

"Even if James," Remus started and immediately felt Sirius stiffen at the mention of James, "Even if he hasn't noticed, Sirius, I have." He stopped and waited to see if Sirius would respond. Finally, a croaked "What?" reached Remus' ears. "That," Remus paused for a second to consider his use of words further before continuing, "That you're...different. You're not okay."

Remus turned his head slightly, "I'm sorry for that. I'm so sorry I let it happen, and that I was so _stupid_ that I didn't notice before," He moved his body off the bed, his back breaking the contact with Sirius' that they both craved – _a low moan passed Sirius' lips at the sudden movement -- _and came round to the other side of the bed, crouching in front of Sirius.

"I want you to know that I forgive you, and that James was completely overstepping the mark," Remus took Sirius' hands and squeezed them, "And I still care about you a lot, Sirius...please, tell me, what are you bottling up?"

Sirius swayed as the barrier of months of bottled up emotion released in a gush of barely coherent words, "I need you...love me, I need you. Gods, Remus, I'm so sorry I can't even begin to make up for what I did. I was a bastard, like Prongs said, I didn't think. I loved you, I love you still, and it hurts Remus, hurts so much...you don't love me anymore and James has Lily and you were so okay, without me, and I need you. I can't do this without you, can't do this...Gods, I love you Remus. I'm so sorry..."

Tears flooded down his cheeks and his neck and Sirius _broke. _He reached his breaking point, and everything just released. His heart and his voice and his tears and his whole soul were in pieces. Fractured. Fragments.

And suddenly, arms were grasping every piece of Sirius they could reach, and they were there, and holding him together, keeping him together. A blurring of arms and tears and souls and bodies.

"I never stopped loving you, Padfoot. I never will. I can't. I don't want to... I love you. I'm sorry for letting you think otherwise."

Those words bound Sirius together. His whole self. His soul and his body, rejoined. He sobbed raw, open tears, but he was complete. His heart was cracked, but he was in one piece.

They were in one piece.


	2. Heart Over Head

ALTERNATIVE

It was Friday the 13th of March when Remus first noticed a change in Sirius. Friday 13th, unlucky for some. However much it tore him apart, however, Remus was glad he'd noticed. He wondered how long it had been there to be noticed, and how James, Sirius' best ever friend and practically a brother to him, could have missed it. Sure, James and Sirius had been having more of those seemingly superficial arguments lately than they'd ever had before, over Lily and silly unimportant things, and Remus had only just managed to find it in himself to forgive his ex-boyfriend for the prank he'd played – _how could he do such a thing to me? Someone I loved so much. How could he do that?_

Maybe with Remus' only recent forgiveness of Sirius and James' now reciprocated love for Lily, his closest friends had taken their eye off the ball, off their friend's feelings.

When did it get like this?

Sirius was different. Maybe it was down to Remus and James' diverted attentions. The glint in his eye had been extinguished, the usual upwards curve of his lips was sunken, his jokes were rare and pranks didn't occur any longer, his voice was quieter and more reserved, lacking in the vitality it once oozed, and his face looked...weary. Not a word that Remus ever thought of in regards to Sirius.

Remus sighed.

Sirius Black, he noticed with an aching heart, was not alright.

-

It was Sunday the 15th of March when things reached breaking point.

Remus entered the common room – the ever-changing password was currently 'venomous tentacula' – and with the excellent insight that he had developed through personal experience, he could tell something was not right.

James Potter and Lily Evans were entwined on an armchair, kissing, and Sirius was sitting alone not far away, an unfathomable expression clouding his features.

-- _why can't I understand what he's feeling anymore? After everything we shared, everything we've been through --_

Remus, following his heart for once in his life, removed himself from the shadows. He walked over to Sirius, and summoning as much confidence and composure as he possibly could, he sat on the arm of Sirius' chair and leaned down to wrap his arms around his ex-boyfriend...boyfriend...he didn't know. It had been months, but it was unspoken, were they together? Could they pick up everything again?

Presently, he felt the figure in his arms tense, then shake with barely contained sobs. Remus slightly tightened his hold around Sirius and rested his chin on his shoulder. Suddenly, Sirius flew out of Remus' arms, rushing up to the dormitory, tears flying thick down his face. Remus gazed after Sirius worriedly, not knowing what to do now -- _Maybe I pushed him too far, too soon --_ James pulled away from Lily then, and appeared to be deliberating over whether to follow his best friend, his brother, or not. Lily pushed him off the armchair, her eyebrows raised pointedly, "Go!"

James went up to the dormitory, taking the steps two at a time, and pushed open the door tentatively, wanting to give Sirius the space he sometimes needed.

"Pads?"

He went into the dormitory and pulled open Sirius' bed hangings. "Pad-" he stopped, taken aback at what he saw, not knowing how to react. Sirius was lying on the bed, sobbing brokenly, and it was then that James realised just how blind he'd been, and how much Sirius was _hurting. _His best friend was torn inside and he hadn't even _noticed, _noticed how withdrawn he was, noticed the weight he'd lost, noticed the troubled look in his eyes his family had put there had been enhanced, and he hated himself.

He sat quietly on the bed besides Sirius, and silently pulled him up to a sitting position, pulling him to him in a hug. After a moment, he whispered against the shaking figure, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I should have been, you could have talked to me."

What Sirius mumbled then cut James to his very heart, "You wouldn't have understood. I betrayed my best friend and my boyfriend, and I hated what I did, but you really, really hated what I did, and you had Lily anyway. You've got Lily."

James gasped, "Sirius, I'd always stand by you. You were an idiot but you made a mistake. You wouldn't do it again, and look at you, you're hurting, you're breaking inside. I can see that, Remus can see that. Thats why he came over to you just now."

Sirius shook his head, "Then why isn't he up here instead of you? I hurt him so much Prongs, I can't begin to forgive myself let alone Moony forgiving me." James lightly punched his shoulder, "If you won't believe me, I'm going to get Remus to come up here and talk to you." Sirius didn't react, just whispered, his voice cracking, "He hates me."

James squeezed his best friend's shoulder, and on leaving, he called back, "You're wrong."

-

James descended the stairs, and went over to where Remus was talking to Lily. "Moony, can I talk to you in private a minute?" Remus nodded and excused himself from Lily, before following James to the other side of the Gryffindor common room. "James?"

"Moony, what just happened? Just then, with Sirius?"

Remus glanced away, then back at James, "Have you seen him? He's different, he's punishing himself, and I needed to stop that happening, so I went over to him and hugged him." James sighed, "You forgive him?"

"Yes." Remus answered without hesitation, then closed his eyes briefly. "I couldn't not. Whatever he did, I still care about him...still-" he paused, "I still love him, oh Merlin, I've got to see him."

Before James could give another syllable in response, Remus was halfway up the stairs to their dormitory and ascending. James smiled to himself.

-

Remus walked into the dormitory, and slowly knelt down on the floor by Sirius' bed, facing him. As much as Sirius wanted to, he couldn't turn over and break the eye contact he held with Remus now, even as the tears blurred his vision and he felt the tears seep down into his ears, he couldn't look away. "I'm sorry." Sirius didn't even know who had said it, himself or Remus, so he said the words they'd both heard, "I'm sorry."

Remus moved to sit on the bed beside Sirius –_ I couldn't help but notice how Sirius' eyes followed me as if scared to ever let me out of his sight again -- _and Sirius sat up, tears drying on his face now before being replaced by new silent trickling ones. "I'm sorry too," Remus tried to stop his voice from shaking, and he reached out and took Sirius in his arms loosely. Sirius' tear-roughened voice reached Remus' ears, surprising him with the quiet stability of his tone, "What for?"

Remus broke away from the embrace –_ a low moan passed Sirius' lips at the sudden movement -- _"For making you hurt like this." "Its not your-" "Sirius." "Remus, I'm making myself hurt, not you."

"I forgive you." _-- I had to summon all my strength to stop myself breaking down when I said those words, but even more at the effect they had on Sirius. His head shot up, his eyes widened, bright, and for the first time in I don't know how long, he smiled a genuine smile --_ Sirius finally broke the eye contact he had maintained with Remus, "I don't deserve it."

"Sirius, promise me you'll never do anything like that again." "I promise you. Oh Moony, I'm so sorry, I did the worst thing I could ever have done."

Remus moved closer to Sirius, curving his hand round his cheek, and whispered, "But I still forgive you, and you deserve to be forgiven." Remus leaned in and captured Sirius' lips. Sirius closed his eyes briefly, kissing Remus back emotionally, and then pulled away, sobbing -- _For that brief moment, there he was, the Sirius I knew and fell in love with. And then just like that, the moment had gone, to Sirius' tears._ --"It's okay... it's okay. I love you." Those words bound Sirius together. His heart was cracked, but it was in one piece.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus loosely, and an apprehensive, questioning glance up to Remus' face and an answering nod later, he tightly held on to his boyfriend -- _I guessed we were silently back together now as a pair, as a couple, as a whole –_ and never wanted to let go.

_We were in one piece._


End file.
